Critique of Creekside Cafe

Note: Hunter read this piece at the residency's Open Mic reading for students.

Summary

The noshing spot of either choice or necessity (which is unclear) for the MFA program at UAA. All you see happening is it fills up with people and then empties.  

What Works

Actual remains of a Creekside meal.

The food is, by all indication, made of actual edible matter, which is a very important characteristic for these kinds of stories. The moments right before the food is eaten are particularly interesting, in a Schroedinger’s Cat kind of way, wherein some characters perceive that the food is simultaneously edible and inedible and it is only after attempted consumption that there is any sure knowledge. 

These kinds of thought experiments generally enhance most readers’ eating experience. 
The surface tension of all available liquids is breakable, and therefore you can technically drink anything there, a world of possibility that really opens the story up. 

None of the fruit contains razor blades.

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What Doesn't Work

The promise of dessert and lack of general payoff, while a kind of clever ironic twist, may alienate some readers.

The use of the metaphor “like pushing a sack of angry hammers through a rolled-up garden hose” for post-Creekside bowel movements seems forced and unnecessary.

The spoon and knife characters receive a disproportionate amount of attention. It’s like the author is constantly forgetting that the fork characters exist. 

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Writers Vs. Campers

The names “Hunter” and “Robert” are used interchangeably for what appears to be the same character; furthermore, why does the author make such a point of having him spill things constantly? It is difficult to tell how old he is supposed to be.  

The salad bar character seems very flat and passive and lacks any development as the story progresses. 

The sudden introduction of the multitude of young camper characters seems unnecessary and even though they may serve some metaphorical purpose about unavoidable impediments of everyday life and herd mentality, it seems like they could possibly be reworked and combined into one character for more efficiency [1].



The dialogue between the strange intoxicated writer characters and the camper characters is forced and awkward at times. The oppressive bitterness of the writer characters seems justified only by some aversion to light and loud noises.

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[1] This may also help with the dessert issue. 

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