Not An Actual Liveblog pt. 4

PM 6:31

            Two things about being a wrestling fan: 1. Suspension of disbelief.[1] 2. The only way to make yourself heard is to engineer some sort of chant.[2]

PM 6:33

            It all feels rushed and here’s why: there are three matches tonight that will need a huge amount of time for their stories to unfold effectively: CM Punk vs Chris Jericho, HHH vs The Undertaker, and The Rock vs John Cena. More on all of these later, but first,

PM 6:34

DAMN

PM 6:35

            Cody Rhodes vs The Big Show[3]

            Part of following wrestling deeply enough to be aware of the backstage goings on is that you begin to notice the obvious ways that said goings on influence the product that you enjoy. The logical conclusion of this is to make up backstage goings on that will influence the product (since the average fan obviously can not actually know as much as they think they know). It takes the same brain-muscle to be a smart wrestling fan as it does to be a conspiracy theorist.

            Anyway, so with Cody and Show, you have almost the exact same dynamic that you had with Bryan/Seamus. You have a big man who is physically impressive due to his size, but who can’t really move around all that well and Isn’t nearly as entertaining to watch as his opponent, in this case the hyper-talented Cody Rhodes. The difference between Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan is, though, that Bryan had made a name for himself in organizations that are technically WWE’s competitors before eventually being signed by WWE, while Cody Rhodes[4] came up the way a talent with his pedigree should, limiting even his earliest endeavors to organizations owned by the WWE. Which is to say that every modicum of fame that Cody Rhodes has is owed entirely to the WWE. Which is, itself, to say, that there is more incentive for the WWE to make Cody Rhodes look good than to make Daniel Bryan look good. The stars are about equally marketable, they are about equally young, and though Daniel Bryan is more talented the gap between him and Rhodes is considerably smaller than between him and most other WWE talent.

            But the question remains: did the WWE stifle Bryan’s match and give Rhodes’ match plenty of time so that Rhodes and Show could have all of the Big Man/Little Man dynamic without the crowd seeing any of it as stale?

            The question remains.

            Big Show wins, which doesn’t do anybody any good.

[1] Seamus, whose character is based largely on being able to beat bad guys without stooping to their level, kicks Daniel Bryan in the face right off the bat to win the championship, taking advantage of the fact that DBry was playing a little bit of tonsil-hockey with his valet in the corner before the match, whereas Kane, whose masked persona is synonymous with malice and evil, allows Randy Orton ample time to pose for the crowd before commencing with their match.

[2] “Daniel Bryan” chants abound throughout the rest of the event. This is the hive minded Greek chorus of the wrestling crowd voicing simultaneous approval of Bryan himself and disapproval with the way his match was booked.

[3] The booking of this year’s WrestleMania does seem to follow a “man with a nickname versus a man with a plain name” kind of pattern.

[4] Son of Dusty Rhodes, WWE Hall of Famer and infrequent nostalgia-superstar (meaning that he will on occasion stroll out into the ring to the delight of the crowd, who remember what he used to be like and don’t really care what he’s like now).