Hey humans, Hunter here. Some of you may remember me as “Robert” or “Tweetwee,” or “that bro that only ever wore flannel and really put into words just how much quantifiably those kids in that place where we ate sub-par food sucked, metaphorically,” but you will soon know me as “the helper elf” in terms of what I will do on the blog. That’s right, it’s practicum time.
I am currently living in Birmingham, Alabama, [where we stop at two amendments (not including the first)], for some reason (1). I am able to substitute teach about Paradise Lost sometimes, because my background is in English, but to supplement the 30 dollars I have made from that I work in a restaurant, because my background is in English. (EDIT: I have since been fired).
And when I’m not serving as an entirely unnecessary cog in a machine that facilitates young moms obtaining food that can be described as somewhere between “fast” and “real,” I’m sweeping up the potato chips that their “children” have decided that the floor needs more than they do. I have checked most of these kids for the 666 mark that Damien had in "The Omen," but they have been remarkably well hidden thus far. We’ll know we’re in trouble in a few years when one of them turns into Sam Neill and runs for president, and I’ll be on a street corner with a sign and a beard (finally) shouting about how President Neill used to throw his potato chips everywhere and his mom was kind of a b-word (2) and anyway isn’t he British? (EDIT: I have since been fired).
In addition to helping out with the blog itself, I will also be blogging (since I see keeping a word document open while I explore Wikipedia as a viable way to both pad my hours and keep on the moral straight-and-narrow). And I have some ideas for those and here are those ideas:
check out that symbiosis
One thing I will never write about is writing, since I’m as qualified to do that as a baby shark is qualified to write about swimming: I know it’s something I have to do to keep breathing, but I’m completely oblivious to how I do it or what exactly it is or even what water is. I’m too busy trying to get remoras to be my friend and eat the waste from my gill slits.(5)
There’s a chance I’ll also hit you all with updates on how frustrated I get with my (utter lack of) facial hair, especially with a roommate who can grow one hell of a beard.
These are the things that I think about.
(1) And to answer an inquiry that I myself made before I moved, no, becoming closer to the equator has not made me better in any way, I have in fact gotten sick for the first time in about 5 years here. What I’m driving at is that North Carolina is a way better state, both at keeping me healthy and at not sexually molesting detained immigrants.
(2) I won’t be swearing in any of my blogs, because there’s a chance that my mom will want to read them. There’s also a good chance that I’ll swear anyway.
(3) Also worth noting that the female lead, Martha McIsaac, was in a movie called “Ice Princess.” Wikipedia. Also, get it? 'Cause of the ice? And Top Gun? Get it?
(4) North Carolina, incidentally, was better at taxes and also at not executing the mentally handicapped.
(5) I’m doing this from memory: I know a lot about sharks. Also, dinosaurs.
This Week's Blogger: